Sugar Shock

I had plans for that evening, to see a friend of mine I'd lost touch with over the years. I hadn't seen her in like 10 years. I have I think subconsciously avoiding her when she's visited the area lately because I start to panic. I get so nervous about being around people I'm not totally comfortable being around. Ideas started swimming through my head about how she'd be shocked at how much weight I've gained in 10 years. I mean, I'm not sure what weight I was when I last saw her but it's at least 50 lbs. I started imaginging how horrified her parents would be, who haven't seen me since high school, which is like 15 years. I started to think how it wasn't worth the judgement and criticism. Then I realized, it wasn't about how everyone looked it was about seeing old friends. I also realized that we would all have changed over the last decade. I mean, everyone changes some in 10 years. However, this wasn't before I went out to Friendly's for my lunch. I got myself chicken strips and honeymustard. Unfortunately the meal came with friend french (I'm thinking a therapist would love to untangle that slip there) fries which I did try to turn down but they came with it. In my head I thought I'd bring them home to my husband but in the end I ate them, along with everything else. I ate them so fast I barely remember what they tasted like. Afterwards I felt even worse but realized this all came from fear, the fear I have in my head that everyone will judge me as I judge myself. I also realized it was ok, as long as I didn't beat myself up for a little bit of bad judgement. As long as I learned from it and didn't push it away as if it never happened. Oh and seeing my friend was wonderful, like no time had past. I never even thought about anything else. Plus her daughter was gorgeous, beyond gorgeous. Here is a shot I took of her feet. I will probably put up some more pictures tomorrow maybe of her on my photography site.