Where It Hurts
I don't have the best relationship with my brother, we still act a lot like kids around each other or rather he does. I try to talk to him as one adult to another (is 24 an adult?) but he can't help but antagonize me all the time. He is always asking me questions like "have you heard of [band name]?" and when I say no he always responds with "well you should" while rolling his eyes. It's basically this game of who is cooler. I stopped trying to compete in this game years ago because it's rediculous.
One thing he has said to me many times and it has really started to hurt is "you are turning into mom." He is not referring to how smart she is or how far she has gone with her career or what a nice person she is. He means how overweight she is and how old she looks.
The last thing I want to do is say bad things about my mom but when it comes to her health it's something she doesn't want to deal with. I don't ever remember her trying to be healthier, not in my entire life. It's pretty obvious she just doesn't care how she looks or feels, I don't thin kshe ever cared.
I mentioned while on vacation that maybe we should pick up a couple gallons of water and she was shocked "why would you want that much water?" I answered that you are supposed to drink a lot of water everyday and she shrugged it off. I wonder where my bad eating habits came from...
I know I'm turning into her, this strangles me from within. I know my body is turning into hers and I feel like I have no control over it. I want to believe this isn't my fate but it seems this way most of the time. Not only am I started to look like her but I am starting to sound like her in the neurotic kind of way and walk like her. I know I bend over like her and have a lot of the same medical problems she has.
The worst part is, she's going bald. I know she is starting to admit to it but she is really not trying to deal with it at all. I believe I am already losing my hair and I plan to do something about it when it gets really bad. I'm either going to start wearing a wig or start wrapping a scarf around my head.
I hate that he said this to me to hurt me, because he's ashamed of what I've become. I hate that he wanted to make me feel bad. I hate that I didn't say something then. I hate that since he's gotten healthier he feels he has a right to talk to me that way. I hate that I wanted to refresh my mind and body over my vacation and he poisoned it.
But what is amusing is, what he did to me is exactly what my father would do.
Hair loss (and weight gain) can be a symptom of a thyroid problem. Not as an excuse in a sitcom way, but in a serious medical problem way.
[Reply]
Robin Reply:
August 19th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Actually I do know that, I most likely have Insulin Resistance and I know that happens. So maybe I have some hope if I get healthy.
[Reply]
Now that I’m 40, I’m convincing myself that 40 is the new 30, so no, 24 is hardly grown up.
I’m sorry that your brother hurt you in the way he did, but that you can appreciate the irony of his behavior matching your father’s shows your strength of personality.
I bet many women fear turning into their mothers. At least, those of us who are dysfunctional. Whether we’re turning into them or not, what we don’t need is for people to tell us that. My father said it to me last summer. Maybe we should start a club.
[Reply]
Robin Reply:
August 19th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
I think a club is a good idea.
[Reply]
My sister and I both realized that we’re starting to look just like our Mom and it freaked us out. Now, *I* look exactly like her in every way but one thing I don’t want is to be big and miserable my whole life like she was.
It’s a hard pill to swallow, coming to terms with the similarity but you can change it. I know you can.
[Reply]
Robin Reply:
August 19th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
My biggest goal in regards to my mom is to not live in denial and pretend it’s not there. I’m very much the opposite of that so I guess I’m doing pretty well in retrospect. I know I can change, I’ve done it before it just gets harder and harder everyday.
[Reply]
My brother says the same thing to me too sometimes. . . it really does hurt, even though I love my mom.
[Reply]