Sugar Shock

Eat when you’re hungry. Drink when you’re thirsty. Sleep when you’re tired. ~Buddhist proverb

I feel like I keep stumbling but I can never quite get into a steady stride. I'll wake up and have a healthy breakfast. I'll have a healthy snack and drink some water. I'll usually eat a decent lunch and another snack in the afternoon. About 3pm is when things start to go downhill. On my drive home if I can get home without stopping to get a snack I'm having a good day. When I get home Erik makes me dinner (he doesn't have a full time job right now) and if it's a good day I go for a bike ride. Most days I don't go for a ride because I run out of steam. Maybe it's because I had a bagel as a snack. Maybe it's because I got something from the vending machine. It's possible I am just run down from the constant allergies attacking my head. 70% of my day will have been done delicately and with my heart. It isn't hard work, I just listen to my body and listen to my head. Other times I just lose focus but it's those few moments in the day that I doubt myself in the end. It's the extra mini wheat bagel with light cream cheese that I eat so fast I don't even enjoy. It's the hours I spend curled up on the sofa after work because I just can't seem to do anything else. It's the expensive food I let go bad because I get too lazy to make the healthy food I plan to. But everyday I keep getting back up, dusting myself off and trying very hard to learn from the day before. I don't feel like I'm making the kind of progress I should make, like I am on a treadmill that never seems to actually go anywhere and the effort I put in doesn't make enough of a difference. Still, everyday I get back up and try again because not trying would be giving up. Giving up is how I got to where I am right now.