Hate is a Strong Word
So I was on the treadmill on Tuesday listening to the iPod. I hadn't done this in a while because I prefer to watch the tv or listen to an audiobook but this time I decided I wanted music.
This one song came on and suddenly I started crying. Not sobbing out loud or anything, but tears were welling up in my eyes. Somehow I felt so angry and that anger pushed me even harder when I was running. Here is a part of the song:
Hate is a strong word,
but i really, really, really don't like you.
Now that it's over
I don't even know what I liked about you.
Brought you around,
and you just brought me down.
Hate is a strong word,
but I really, really, really don't like you.
I wasn't thinking about a friend who has hurt me recently or a past boyfriend. I wasn't thinking about a co-worker or some random stranger who was mean to me. I was thinking about myself.
Another intense line in it:
All I wanted was your love love love love love love...
Wow, that was an intense moment. The song is Hate is a Strong Word. It's amazing how music can bring out parts of you that you didn't know where there or didn't want to feel. In that moment it wasn't so much me hating myself but me wishing I didn't. Hearing that song made me think of myself and that is what hurt me so much. It was so unexpected, to have all those emotions hit me so hard.
I've changed my 100 Day Challenge a little, I'm focusing mainly on going to the gym at least 3 days a week. I chose Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday for now.
Oh and for the fun of it, I thought I'd throw myself into the ring for the open WebAwards. Why not?
Hate IS a strong word. The emotional side of all this is so hard to face, I’m not sure I could have stayed on the treadmill if I were to have that type of emotions hit me. Hopefully this journey will lead you to a place where you no longer hate yourself. I love the new theme, by the way, and I will try to nominate you for the award. Good luck!
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Robin Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
@Josie, for me, anger somehow releases endorphins. if i was just sad i couldn’t have but i was so angry too.
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You’re 100% right that hate is a strong emotion. It sounds like hearing those words really affected you on a deep level. I hope that you will be able to really take the word hate out of your vocabulary as it relates to yourself. You are designed for excellence. I’m thinking about you today.
By the way – the new theme is really nice!
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Robin Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
@Diane Fit to the Finish, yes, i would like to lose that word entirely.
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I’m listening to this song now, but I can’t listen to the whole thing.
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Robin Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
@Barb, why can’t you listen to the whole thing?
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Barb Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
@Robin, too painful. For a lot of the same reasons, I guess.
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Robin Reply:
October 15th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
@Barb, I was wondering if that was the reason. We really are on the same wavelength.
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Hate is a strong word, that is for sure, but so is love.
The new goal looks like a good one.
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