No Fair
My weekend was good, I didn't jump the donut (like jump the shark, whatever) but I wasn't as mindful and zen as I had planned to be. I guess it's the small things to appreciate.
Talking to my therapist I again complained that unlike a lot of people who are overweight I don't binge. By binging I mean I don't eating a whole box of oreos or I don't get 3 hamburgers at Wendys. When I go to Wendys I've always just gotten a hamburger with either no fries or just a small/medium fries. If I have oreos I might have as many as 6 but I could never eat a whole box. So why am I having so much trouble?
Most days I have a wheat english muffin with egg and a slice of cheese. Often for lunch I'll have tuna or turkey on wheat with no cheese. Yes, sometimes I go to the vending machine and get a small bag of chips. Sometimes I get a cookie from the cafeteria or a chocolate pudding. I know these aren't good choices but should these choices make me 100 pounds overweight? It doesn't seem fair.
I have big issues with things being fair, it's always been something that makes me just want to give up entirely. Why is it so hard? Why does it take me 3 hours to study for a test I end up getting a C on where my friend will study a 1/2 hour and get an A? Why can't the playing field be a little more even?
I sound like I'm more emotional than I really am, that's how I sound when I write. I'm just getting out some of the thoughts in my head I'm trying to quell. My journey isn't the same as anyone else's and I have to stop comparing every step I make to everyone else. It's frustrating when you know your effort doesn't bring the results that you feel it should.
But either way, I'm going back to the gym. I don't want to but I know I'll be glad once I do and I know I'll feel better about myself.
I have heard that you must first ’see’ yourself as thin before you can actually realize your vision… now this is , of course, up for debate but I DO know we ’shape’ our own reality so perfaps there is something to it.
I think so much of our relationship with food relates to how we emotionally react to our lives, choices and visions so, maybe you have a mental block that holds you back from being the thinner version of yourself – you deserve to be.
hang in there, you’re doing well – eventually when everything in your life is in balance, your weight will be too
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Boy, life isn’t fair, is it? I guess the only thing we can do is measure our success against ourself, as that is the only thing that it makes sense to measure it against. I am not sure that makes sense.
I hope the gym went well. Make it a great day Robin!
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Wow…i loved this post. I’ve had that C that i studied 5 hours for each exam for and the hubby just review his notes for 30min and gets all A’s. I use to eat hamburgers and sometimes fries. I recently had a few oreos for the first time in over 6 months and remembered how harmful they are to my weight. Obesity runs high on both sides of the family, and i’ve already had 2 Dr’s tell me that i need to stay under 145 for reducing joint pain, and in order to steer clear of type 2 diabetes which also runs high in the fam.
I finally realized that memorization in the form of a written a-i multiple answer tests was just not my thing. I had to figure out what was. I started following my passion, what i loved, and i started to get a few A’s. While Biology with a professor from Yale was a pain Art Humanity was a breeze.
There are very few girls who can down a whole thing of ebler fudge cookies without gainning weight. My roomy in college was one of those but she was working two jobs and that was usually all she ate that day and then the next day probably just a diet coke and then would go run for 2 hours because she thought she was fat. She was unhealthy. Were still best friends today and still joke around about the mysterious box of cookies that diapered one morning. She is much happier and healthier now. What i thought was always not fair was actually not what i wanted at all. Anywho =)
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I’m feeling you with the whole unfairness thing right now, and now just about weight. Someone once told me only to compare yourself to yourself. It’s tough to do after a lifetime of comparing myself to everyone else, but I try to remember that.
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