Something Needs To Change
A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug. ~Patricia Neal
I feel like I don't really have a right to feel the way I do. I know so many people going through such anguish right now. A friend of mine is going through a painful time in her marriage and another friend just lost her cat to cancer. That kind of pain, is something you can't even comprehend, even if you are in the middle of it.
Me? I just kind of feel like I'm on an amusement park ride, like the tiltawhirl. It's going up and down and spinning and spinning but it's isn't going anywhere and it isn't stopping. I just want to get off the ride because it's not fun, my head is spinning and I can't breathe.
I realized yesterday, like a sledgehammer to my head, that my problems with food go so much further beyond the fat, beyond the exercise and beyond the food. I realized now that so much of it is in my head and until I deal with my head I don't think anything will change, in fact I believe it will continue to get worse. This is not pessimism, this is facing a dark reality.
I was listening to a podcast of a local radio show yesterday and they were talking about OCD when suddenly I realized, those little weird things I used to do that I barely noticed have become constant things. I realized that I now have actual rituals and it's impacting my life. I realized that this is a very real sign that something is not right with me.
So I called my therapist, I haven't seen her in over 2 years. Part of me feels, can she really save me? No, nobody can but myself, but maybe she can help me sort a lot of stuff that is in my head right now that is holding me back. I've put it off because my commute is hard enough, I don't want to have an appointment for 1 hour after work but I sucked it up, this was more important. I also am afraid to dedicate myself to this when we're so financially strapped.
But sometimes you have to realize that what is going on right now is most important, that it can't be ignored any longer. That you have to vear off the road a little bit to take the backroads, it may take you longer but it's what you need so you can get where you want to be.
Robin, I think making this realization is not only the first step to getting through something like this, but it is also perhaps the most important. I hope all goes well with the visit to the therapist.
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Robin Reply:
October 3rd, 2009 at 10:45 am
@South Beach Steve, me too, thank you.
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I hope you’re able to see your therapist regularly. I understand what a pain it can be because it’s yet another thing to add to all of the other stuff you already have to do, but it’s also very important — it’ll help make that other stuff easier, I think.
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Robin Reply:
October 3rd, 2009 at 10:49 am
@Barb, I gotta just stand up and do what I need to do and not let life hold me back.
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Barb Reply:
October 3rd, 2009 at 12:05 pm
@Robin, exactly!
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There is a lot more to food issues than just the food. I found that out both during the decade that I struggled with obesity, and during the year of my weight loss. The emotional side is harder to conquer than the food side. At least for me it was.
Take care – and I hope that you will be able to see your therapist on a regular basis.
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Robin Reply:
October 3rd, 2009 at 10:50 am
@Diane Fit to the Finish, so true, thank you.
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I always hesitate to call my therapist but when i finally call him i wonder why i didn’t do it sooner. My whole life is a roller coaster. I thought i crashed enough as a child and teenager that i had my crazy ride of life. Then i just keeps hitting. My hubby keeps reminding me that if there was no ride then why are we here. The ride helps us move forward and helps us grow. Yea i may have stretchmarks but at least I’m still moving forward and growing =) I hope you can find a way to create peace of mind.
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Robin Reply:
October 3rd, 2009 at 11:00 am
@Krystal, me too, I’m sure I’ll feel better at it once I go.
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Don’t be afraid to dedicate yourself to this. If you need to see your therapist, its worth every penny. There were times in my life when I could barely pay my bills, but I stuck with my therapy appointments. They were essential for me for getting over a lifetime of stuff that I needed help with. Yes, it was the longest and biggest roller coaster I’ve ever been on , but it was worth every bit of motion sickness it caused. (big hug)
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Robin Reply:
October 3rd, 2009 at 11:00 am
@Jess (Fit Chick in the City), you are absolutely right.
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