Sugar Shock

In my entire life I have only ever lost weight the wrong way. Either by starving myself or by diet pills. Even when I was at my thinnest I was so unhealthy about it that it was bound to turn on me eventually.

I lost weight the first time as a teenager after my first breakup, I went from 160 to about 115 in only a few months. I rarely ate and got very sick.

By the time of my next boyfriend I was so obsessed with eating that it corroded our relationship. I was taking up to about 8 diet pills a day and I was a miserable person to be around. Take your worst day of PMS and multiply it by 10, that was how awful I was.

I went off to college and I started to find pieces of happiness again but I still was holding onto my old destructiveness. Eventually the destruction slipped through my fingers like water and I gained weight back, eventually back to where I started from.

I lost weight again because of depression. I never ate and stayed in my room by myself.

I gained weight again after college.

It went back and forth but the weight loss was never from actually taking care of myself or treating myself well. I always lost weight because I tortured myself or punished myself into it.

I don't have faith yet that I can lose weight the right way but I want to have faith that I can. One of my goals is to realize I do have this ability.

100 days doesn't sound so bad, especially when it's taking on a goal I can do without feeling like I am being punished. I decided to take this challenge thing on I have heard about and since it started on September 23rd I can tell you so far I have taken the stairs once a day.

1. Every work day I will take the stairs at least once, by stairs I mean these stairs. They taunt me everyday.
2. I will drink water everyday, no set amount but I tend to go days sometimes without drinking any.
3. I will have protein with every meal.
4. I will try to choose a healthy snack over a high carb snack.
5. I will avoid negative thoughts about myself.

I may add to these goals as the days go on but I will always do these goals I have listed already.

I have a bunch of goals for when I lose weight, I feel like a poser since I haven't actually lost any weight yet but writing about it keeps it fresh in my mind. One of my goals is to get another photo shoot but the next time to feel really good about myself.

Engagement

I got married last year and one of the most important things was to get a photographer that suited us perfectly. That photographer was Rachel. She really apperciated our quirkiness as a couple, that was very important to us.

Boudoir

I love the pictures but I still remember how uncomfortable in my own skin I was for all of the pictures. Someday, hopefully sooner rather than later, I will have photos done again by her.

Wedding

I figure maybe I'll take pictures in my dress again one day, I never went by the rules for my wedding why start now? That is one of my goals.