I had my first real photo shoot this weekend, it went really well but it hit me hard. I am sore from head to toe and I’m still tired. Right after the shoot I came home and started getting chills, my friend suggested it was all the stress I didn’t realize I was feeling coming to the surface, which makes sense.

So now I am going back to my normal routine, still working on photos but getting back to workout out that doesn’t involve crawling around on the floor with my camera, although I enjoyed doing it so much I didn’t even notice the effort.

It’s amazing how something that technically is less work than, say, running a marathon can end up running you down so much. I believe it’s the stress on top of it building up and all the mental energy.

This year I’ve already come so far proving so much to myself, now to prove it to my body.

Day 2: 10 min – I was already sore from a bunch of squats from Day 1 and I had worked out on Monday too, plus I had to get to a book club meeting. So, I did a 10 minute Kickboxing but for the arms but I had no weights. Next time, weights.

I’m eating well but haven’t gotten into a stride. I’ve been trying to keep track still but I miss days, particularly on weekends. I really just keep focusing on choosing good snacks over bad and we’ve been cooking more at home.

I’m anxiously waiting for when there is more light in the evening again so I can go for walks with my husband after work. I also can’t wait to get back to riding my bike! For now, I am exercising from home and boy are my thighs sore.

And on I go…

• I love the site Dailymile. First off I've met some cool local people already. 2nd I get lots of inspriation, which you can never have too much of. 3rd I love to see how much I've done and it encourages me to do more.
• I have noticed that quickly I'm getting back into my stride. The last few times I exercised I didn't need my inhaler at all. We rode our bikes last night and I made it over every single hill without having to walk any. That was one of my goals!
• I'm sad that there won't be enough light to ride much longer and pretty soon it will be bitter cold. Damn winter, damn you.
• My appetite has lessened a lot, I'm so thankful for this. For so long I was just eating so much or just too much. I made a plate of chicken parm last night and couldn't finish it, so my husband ate the rest of mine. Normally I am the one who finishes his plate.
• When did I suddenly become the healthy one in the relationship? I like it.
• My biggest goal for the winter is just to make it through the winter without going into hibernation like I usually do. I want to keep going to the gym and continue to focus on what makes me feel good.
• I finally got sleep again, a fully night's sleep. I'm convinced it's the change in weather and sunlight that is screwing up everyone's sleep patterns.
• This weekend I think we'll go see Paranormal, because I like to be scared. This can be another thing to figure out in therapy =)

First I want to mention a breakfast idea I came up with a while back that I consider to be pretty healthy. I wish I had a picture but I don't so instead you get a picture of my girl Aurora licking her lips.

A really easy, quick and healthy breakfast I like to have sometimes is what I will call the Waffle and Raspberries Sandwich. I know, it sounds strange but it's really simple. I toast up 2 nutri-grain blueberry waffles, heat up some frozen raspberries and make a sandwich out of it.

No sugar added. You can eat it with one hand and it's filling if you use waffles with a lot of fiber. I'm still on the hunt to find the perfect waffles, I like what Trader Joe's has but they aren't convenient for me to go to.

I also want to mention, although I'm hesitant because I'm afraid this is a fluke, but I've lost a few pounds. I don't know exactly how many because the last time I was weighed was at the doctors and my scale is always different than theirs. I seem to have lost what I think is between 3-5 lbs.

I haven't really changed anything, not that much, I think I've just been focusing on food less and life more. That always seems to work for me, the more I worry about food the more I seem to lose control. I'm also right now back on medication I had stopped taking months ago, more on that another time.

But yay, it feels good to feel a little more control of my own world. Losing control of your world is excrutiating, no matter what it is. We can't make everything exactly the way we want it to be but we like to have a little bit of a say from time to time.

Thanks everyone for your support!!!

• We have a cafeteria at work, the food is awesome. On Monday I desperately wanted to get some of the broiled red potatoes but instead went with the green apple. It may not be as fun to choose better but it feels better.
• I was going to go to the gym on Tuesday but decided it was really nice out (and this wouldn't last much longer) so I opted for a nice bike ride.
• I was eating pasta (Dreamfields pasta) and while I probably should have only eaten one bowl (I ate 2) I did turn down the last 1/2 a cup. There wasn't enough to hold on to so I had to throw it out but that was ok.
• The only way I manage to drink water is because of True Lime, it's like my life saver or something like that. I honestly buy a case of it from Amazon at a time so I always have it on hand.
• I exercised twice this week and yesterday my husband and I went for a nearly 2 mile walk, felt great!
• This process I'm going through has been slow and not everything has been going as steadily as I want it to but I do feel myself changing, ever so slightly. I keep holding onto that.

I also have exciting news, one of my very best blogger friends whom I've never met before but have been friends with for years is coming to Boston to visit from Canada at the end of November!

100 Day Challenge

Gym - 3 days a week (so far so good)

Water - Everyday (great except on weekends)

Protein - Every meal (it's starting to become habit)

Miles - 30 miles is my goal by the end of the year - 69 days left!

[photo via]

I am not in the workout craze stage, however I am bringing it back into my lifestyle.

I am not in the super healthy eating stage, however I am making good changes.

I am in the learning and gathering stage. It's a hard stage because little actually changes on the outside, it's all on the inside. It's hard to say "yeah, I haven't lost weight but I have learned how to add more protein."

I don't want to push anything or rush anything, I have done that every other time and failed. At the same time I am one of the most impatient people in the world, I can't stand to wait for 5 minutes for someone much less an indefinite amount of time to start physically feeing better.

So right now I am reading a lot of blogs and learning from their experiences. I am listening to what's inside me and pushing out the negative thoughts. I'm trying not to focus on the next stage but just letting myself be where I am right now and realizing I am ok.

I may not be where I want to be yet but I am trying, every single day. I will keep learning and gathering for as long as I need to. I will keep writing here taking this all one step, one bite at a time, one breath at a time.

• I'm keeping up with the journaling, the trick is to always have the journal in eye sight or at least that's my own trick.
• I've kept up with all of my goals except I missed one day of the big bad stairs (I have felt so sick all week) and I've missed my protein a couple times out of just sheer loss of energy and appetite.
• I've gotten a significant amount of exercising in this week, I haven't pushed myself very hard since I don't feel well but I got out there and sweat a little.
• I'm going to the local annual fair today assuming the weather is ok, which it's not supposed to be. If it's not ok then I will try to get to the gym and then we may go to the movies or something. I really hope I get to go to the fair though...

Updates 100 Days List:

1. Take the big bad stairs at least once a day at work.
2. Drink some water everyday.
3. Eat protein with every meal.
4. Journal every weekday (at least).
5. Get some extra exercise 3x a week, even if it's just a walk or dancing around the house.

So therapy was so wonderful last night, as I often feel after going to the gym I wonder why did I stop doing this? I have a great therapist and it took me years to find the right one. I was amazed how much she remembered, the little things, after years of not seeing her. She even brought up something I'd forgotten.

The most interesting part of the meeting was after I talked about how I used to go to the gym working on the Couch to 5k and was doing really well but I lost my stride. About how I was riding my bike every other day and I lost my stride. About how I was eating so well but something got in the way.

She pointed out that whenever I am doing well I tend to sabotage myself, that maybe I am afraid of my own success. This was one of those "aha" moments. Suddenly I started thinking back to all the times where my husband has asked why I don't believe in myself more, why I don't try for more.

Like with my photography, I turn a lot of stuff down because I don't think I'm good enough. Granted, it's a little different when it's something you really need experience and education, which I don't really have. But the moment I think that maybe this could be something really big I pull away. I always thought it was failure I was afraid of but maybe it's success.

When I told my husband about this he was silent and then responded with his own "aha." He always wishes I could have the faith in myself that he has in me. If I don't ever try nobody will ever expect anything from me and I won't let anyone down.

Where do I go from this? Who knows, it's only the first step. That first "aha" though, was very eye opening. Now that my eyes are open maybe the journey won't seem quite so bleak.

Ironically, we didn't even get to the whole OCD thing. Sometimes I think I should bring notes with me and write notes while I'm there.