Sugar Shock

With our financial situation right now we’re cutting back a lot. I’m not renewing my gym membership and we may need to cut down our cable even more. I fear more than anything giving up my DVR, I wouldn’t know how to live without it. Luckily to get exercise, if you’re creative, you don’t really need to spend much money. I use dvds and when it’s nicer out I will go back to walking/riding my bike.

Food on the other hand is tricky, in order to eat well you really need to spend some money. It all depends on how desperate we get but at the same time I still don’t need to over-eat and that will continue to be a main focus for me.

On the bright side I think I ate pretty well yesterday and did some toning. Actually I probably could have eating a little bit more.

ps. It’s really hard to force yourself to figure out your portions when you come home really hungry, therefore I really need to keep some snacks at work.'

Have a great weekend!

I commented with this on Diane’s blog post yesterday about having patience and getting ready for the long road to getting healthy:

I think I am ok with a long trip once I figure out what I need to pack and where I am going and how I am getting there. Haven't figured that out yet.

For me, still, I am so unsure of it all and still so doubtful, which is part of why I am in therapy. But I try to come here to sort through my own feelings and your blogs are always helpful. I know when I do finally find my direction and figure what is best for me I will need to work on having patience and taking it moment to moment.

This is yesterday’s food choices, not too bad considering I lowered my calorie goal by 200 calories. I wanted to workout but the new medication I am on is giving me really bad headaches. My therapist keeps bringing up whether I am sabotaging myself or if life is doing it for me. I don’t know, I think it’s a mixture of both.

It occurred to me though, I’ve been with my therapist for almost 5 years now I think, on and off of course. That’s pretty amazing, she’s the best therapist I’ve ever had and I’ve come such a long way since I first started seeing her.

I must focus on the good things, because I fear I have even reached the rockiest roads yet…

I keep saying it all doesn’t make sense, well, finally it’s starting to make sense. This past year has been particularly hard because more and more symptoms keep popping up with no real explanation. Nothing I ever do seems to help anything other than taking medications, which I really don’t want to do.

I kept assuming all my problems were from my weight and I assume some are but what really annoyed me was that I haven’t been able to budge my weight in about 5 years, no matter what I’ve done. This is the kind of thing that just makes you lose hope but now that things are starting to make some sense I feel hopeful again.

Here are some of the symptoms (the ones highlighted I have):

I am gaining weight inappropriately
I'm unable to lose weight with diet/exercise
I have hypothermia/low body temperature (I feel cold when others feel hot, I need extra sweaters, etc.) 
I feel fatigued, exhausted
Feeling run down, sluggish, lethargic
My hair is coarse and dry, breaking, brittle, falling out
My skin is coarse, dry, scaly, and thick
I have a hoarse or gravely voice
I have puffiness and swelling around the eyes and face
I have pains, aches in joints, hands and feet
I have developed carpal-tunnel syndrome, or it's getting worse
I am having irregular menstrual cycles (longer, or heavier, or more frequent) 
I am having trouble conceiving a baby
I feel depressed
I feel restless
My moods change easily
I have feelings of worthlessness 
I have difficulty concentrating 
I have more feelings of sadness 
I seem to be losing interest in normal daily activities 
I'm more forgetful lately
My hair is falling out
I can't seem to remember things
I am getting more frequent infections, that last longer
I'm snoring more lately 
I have/may have sleep apnea
I feel shortness of breath and tightness in the chest 
I feel the need to yawn to get oxygen 
My eyes feel gritty and dry
My eyes feel sensitive to light 
My eyes get jumpy/tics in eyes, which makes me dizzy/vertigo and have headaches
I have strange feelings in neck or throat 
I have tinnitus (ringing in ears)
I get recurrent sinus infections 
I have vertigo
I feel some lightheadedness
I have severe menstrual cramps

I am starting new medication this weekend, that I hope will help. I hope this isn’t just another medical problem I have to add to all the others that really can’t be repaired. I ordered a book from the library to help me understand it all.

I am still working out and still logging my food.

Onward and upward.