Sugar Shock

(me after a workout, I thought I looked much worse)

So I was chatting with a buddy on Twitter the other day because she said she’d lost 70lbs. I was impressed and asked her what she did differently. Basically she said she cut down on carbohydrates and ate more protein. That’s when I had basically a WTF moment: I do all that already and I gain weight.

For the past year or more I’ve been choosing whole grains about 80% of the time, in fact we only keep whole grains in our house anymore. I gave up soda several years ago, I never even drink diet. In the last year I’ve been eating a lot more protein, I consciously try to include protein in every meal. I know I don’t eat perfect but something just doesn’t add up.

Ok, rant done. Next…

My food from yesterday, overall I guess not too bad but the calories were way higher than I would have thought. I really want to drink less beer, that’s the one thing in our house we tend to be indulgent with. We don’t keep soda in the house or any white bread, we rarely have sweets but we almost always have beer.

I don’t know how true these amounts are since the hamburger I had was from a local grill and I had to guess although I didn’t eat the whole thing, it was just too big. I miss grilling my buffalo burgers outside on the grill, stupid snow ruins everything.

There are many reasons why this time of year is probably the worst time of year for me.

1. It starts getting really cold and really dark, and leaving for work when it’s pitch black is just not a healthy way to start off the day.  Plus when I get out of work it’s basically dark too. I need sunlight to grow.
2. The drivers get nastier, I swear. Everyone is tense and on edge, ready to snap. Everyone cuts everyone off and gets seriously aggressive.
3. I’m not a fan of Christmas for many reasons, one of them being that my whole life I felt left out because of it and I just wish I could will it away. But mostly I hate how commercialized it is, it all seems so fake.
4. All of the “stuff” that goes on leading up to the holidays makes my anxiety increase so I regularly have a stomach ache.
5. I get really down on myself because I know I will have to socialize with family and friends, therefore I feel ashamed about how I look.
6. We have never had enough money to really get into the holiday spirit, particularly this year. However Erik and I have just not been the type to do gifts for occasions, we do gifts when it feels right. We would both rather have some personal than something just bought.
7. Because of the cold and how dark it is all the time my energy drops dramatically.

But I did go to the gym last night. Every time I go I try to celebrate that because in itself is an achievement.

TOM = Time Of the Month

I prefer over PMS or Aunt Flo.

I never quite see it coming, you'd think I'd pay attention or keep track of it. I find myself listless for no reason, really crabby and none of my clothes feels comfortable. Then it occurs to me like an oncoming truck -- it's TOM!

This may be one of my biggest obstacles for getting to the gym because not only do I have no energy and I'm bloated but I also just want to sit and cry. Luckily I have an IUD (sorry if TMI) so I don't get anything else other than moodiness, bloating and loss of energy. Still, those 3 things are really hard to fight against.

I couldn't manage to write a post yesterday, I just had nothing to give, plus there are some other personal things going on my life. I couldn't manage to care about anything. So I just took the day off. Every stupid month I hit this wall where I can't seem to do anything and it's so frustrating, I don't want to lose all the work I did every 28 days.

I feel like I get like 3 really good days a month where I have energy, feel optimistic and have motivation. It's just one long struggle.

Don't mind me, I'm in a funk. I hate the funk. The funk is no fun and begs for chocolate. Why is there not a magic cure for this yet?