Sugar Shock

We all have those things that we just can't seem to give up. Call it a vice, call it an addiction, call it bagel, whatever you want to call it. My vices seem to do more bad than good, rarely do I really enjoy them anymore.

Bagels

I have loved bagels for as long as I can remember. When I was little there was this amazing bagel shop in the city we used to get them from, they even had *pause for dramatic effect* pizza bagels! My favorite though is a toasted bagel with cream cheese, I could eat them for every meal, I never get sick of them. I do however get sick from them. Not like sick sick but they sit in my stomach for hours on end. I always eat more than I should, I can't just have a little. I try to keep little wheat bagels in my house but then I just eat 2 in one sitting. It's like they were sent to this earth to torture me.

Coffee

I didn't start liking coffee until I went to a party in my late teens and had to drive a couple hours back home to work that morning. I've been hooked ever since. Coffee isn't really bad, there are worse things, it just so happens I like my coffee with milk and with sugar. I try to use fake sugar and I do sometimes but I'm rarely a fan of sugarfree stuff. Whenever I don't have coffee I get a headache. Often when I do have coffee I get Acid Reflux. Coffee, I don't know how to quit you.

Sugar

Speaking of sugar, sugar hates me. I've said this many times. If I could give up sugar it would improve my life dramatically I'm pretty sure. I have cut down on sugar monumentally but I can't seem to really give it up. Sugar and I are never on good terms.

What are your biggest vices?

I was going to write all this stuff, stuff that just doesn't seem important right now. I'm getting into a funk again, I don't know why and it upsets me even more because it's throwing me off my course. I couldn't function yesterday and today while I got to work I am barely here. I just keep staring at the screen and holding back tears.

I'm back in a funk, I don't know how I got here but I am definitely stuck.

Yesterday I couldn't manage to do anything, even get off the couch. I couldn't even find energy to watch tv or do internet stuff. Instead of forcing myself out of it this time I gave in and gave up, for the day. I don't feel any better today.

It's funny, I didn't even eat badly, I just, gave up on everything for the day.

I don't know what is going on but I can't seem to pull out of it. I really hope it passes soon so I can pick up where I left off. I'm so glad I have therapy tonight.

Below is one of the few really nice moments of my weekend.

I'm sick of being hungry all the time, I like it much better when I'm not hungry. I feel like I'm hungry more often than I should be. I am going to start a list of foods to have around at all times to feel more full. Sometimes I swear I'm not even hungry but I am at the same time. It's usually an afternoon and evening thing. Last night I became nearly frantic trying to figure out what I could possible eat to stop this anxious feeling of mine.

I know veggies fill you up. I know water is good. These are things I have to get better at. I want something that I can eat a handful of to stop the insane cravings along with the veggies and water. Someone once told me there was a Kashi cereal that would fill them up just with a handful.

What have you done in the present or the past to fill you up when your hunger just seems to be in control of everything?