Sugar Shock

There are many reasons why this time of year is probably the worst time of year for me.

1. It starts getting really cold and really dark, and leaving for work when it’s pitch black is just not a healthy way to start off the day.  Plus when I get out of work it’s basically dark too. I need sunlight to grow.
2. The drivers get nastier, I swear. Everyone is tense and on edge, ready to snap. Everyone cuts everyone off and gets seriously aggressive.
3. I’m not a fan of Christmas for many reasons, one of them being that my whole life I felt left out because of it and I just wish I could will it away. But mostly I hate how commercialized it is, it all seems so fake.
4. All of the “stuff” that goes on leading up to the holidays makes my anxiety increase so I regularly have a stomach ache.
5. I get really down on myself because I know I will have to socialize with family and friends, therefore I feel ashamed about how I look.
6. We have never had enough money to really get into the holiday spirit, particularly this year. However Erik and I have just not been the type to do gifts for occasions, we do gifts when it feels right. We would both rather have some personal than something just bought.
7. Because of the cold and how dark it is all the time my energy drops dramatically.

But I did go to the gym last night. Every time I go I try to celebrate that because in itself is an achievement.

• Financially we’re in a bad place, which means it’s really hard to eat well but there is no excuse to over-eat. We’re trying to stay calm and figure out the next step. My husband has some home projects that will bring in money, that helps, but that will only get us so far.
• The holidays are coming or are here, or whatever. I am not a fan. I grew up a little Jewish girl so I don’t have fond xmas memories and even if I did I’m pretty sure I’d hate it all now considering all the commercialism and how mean everyone gets. I tend to go into hibernation mode all of December.
• I have  had a few doctors appointments lately,  but I feel like they are all pointless. It’s like I keep hoping someone can explain all my problems but I just go in circles.
• I am going to be able to have a table in a bazaar at work next week to sell my photography, I’m nervous, plus I had to order some prints to sell, which we can’t afford but I know I have to do this.
• I feel a lot of things in my life just aren’t working the way they are right now, I don’t know what that means I just know this is how it seems to me right now.
• I am getting back into the gym thing again, I figure a good excuse to go is to release all the pent up anger I have right now.